Start of Something Better

I've repeatedly told everyone who wanted to ask for my services that I'm not open to shoots. I don't even know how to price my services. I'm utterly clueless. All I know is that I love taking pretty photos of pretty girls (mostly) and uploading them to my portfolio or online collection. I don't exactly think that it's a portfolio tailored for work. I just upload them because I feel like it, that's all. Well, sort of to show off, somewhat. But my work is still blah for me, the feeling of a perfectionist to journey the never ending path of mastering my craft, creating my own style and being good at it.

I've been thinking of taking up Photography professionally for months now. It's the only thing I feel most confident about. But doubts creep inside my head every time I start to have the courage to do so. I feel I'm not yet ready to render my services nor tell everyone that I'm accepting shoots because I'm still an amateur. But this quote reminded me of a promise I gave to myself early this year. "DO or DO NOT. There is no TRY." That's from Master Yoda of Star Wars. I realized, I have to start somewhere and that somewhere starts now.

I recently uploaded photos of my cousin, B - a result of our boredom during the holidays. Then apparently, someone took notice. That someone inquired about my services. We talked and I seem to decline her offer gently as possible with excuses that "I don't do it professionally" or "I'm still new at this" but eventually I muster up the courage to agree and took it as a sign to finally TRY my hands professionally on Photography. It was a leap of faith for me. I'm nervous and excited about the whole thing. The fear of hit or miss starts to flood in as the date of our shoot drew nearer. What if I suck at it? Or What if she doesn't like my work? All these negative thoughts start to dwell on me. I even wanted to back out the last minute which is totally unprofessional. But then I thought of her, her mum and the chaos of debut preparations. I will be quite a burden for them if I back out given the amount of time they have before her debut. So I decided to push through with it.

Given my amateur experience on make-shift shoots that me and my cousins had, I try to make her as comfortable as possible. I also thought that this total stranger trusted me of taking her photos, which means she believes that I can produce a good picture. She trusted me, and I kept repeating that to myself as I go along. That kicked me in the stomach that others believe in me, so why can't I? I also even brought along a friend of mine, just so to keep me at bay and not to make a run for it. He knew me well and he attest that my photos are good. I just have to keep that in mind. But there was seriously a war going on in my head. A tug-o-war between doing really good and just doing for the sake of it to never do it ever again. But the shoot ended on a high note and it was really nice to shoot her and I even get to meet her mum. So, I patted myself on the back for pushing through with the shoot. It sure was nice to know that I can really be productive at times...

Maybe I should try going out of my comfort zone as a hobby, it's rewarding to think that you did something worthwhile or different for a change. I'll keep this in mind more often now. :D


Love,
M